Saturday, May 29, 2010

22oz of pcp

The certain prospect of death could sweeten every life with a precious and fragrant drop of levity - and now you strange apothecary souls have turned it into and ill-tasting drop of poison that makes the whole of life repulsive.

I'm glad I can see the transparency in people. I'm glad I can detect liars and cheaters and selfish assholes, to put it plainly, for the most part. I've always been good at observing the actions of others in a critical yet not demanding way, and therefore I've always found that usually I'm already aware and expecting any confession of guilt or lie that people have thrown at me - however subconsciously I may have been aware of that very same folly. Friends will use you for the smallest matters and throw it back in your face as soon as you show any sign of uselessness. For instance, for the past 24 hours I've received many, many messages about tickets to a certain rare punk show tonight at a certain bar I work at - and when I reply that I can't do anything to help them out with their lack of organizing themselves to get themselves a ticket to a show that will obviously sell out - half of the responses I get back are just plain rude. It's not my fault, I do enough of that bullshit for so many of you. It's not that big of a deal but it's just such a perfect example on how fucking ludicrous people can be. I guess it just sheds some light on how harshly people use others - and how ungrateful they can really be. Sift through people that just aren't worth your time because apparently i'm not really worth yours. I like the genuine ones. Days like this... I have (NO) faith, in the human race.

IN OTHER NEWS, tonight after the buzzcocks is an 80s dance party. Apparently I have to dress "80s" ............................... good thing i own a wide variety of bodysuits and other slightly obnoxious articles of clothing.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I left early because I was too upset

so many customers that come into deville complain about the rain if it's raining or the snow if it's snowing or the unbearable heat when it actually looks like summer outside. are Brielle and I the only ones in this city that seem to not find the most insignificant of reasons to ruin our own day? Seems like we are sometimes. I like this rain I'd be okay with it staying for a while. Right now for the first time in a while I genuinely want to be alone. I want to go home alone and sleep alone and wake up all by myself and just not worry about anythig. More trouble then it's ever really worth. Yesterday i hid at my parents house all day - they're not even in the country but I went there anyway. Immersed myself into screen and pen and paper and Chinese take-out. Hmmm mmm. It's almost 2:30, i'm at work. After Im gunna have a beer with klay, go home and clean my apartment, go to my tattoo consult, maybe eat local with moner, then go to
republik to work. I don't know you but somehow I keep finding myself thinking about you. I guess I just instantly felt ok talking with you and I felt ok with you smiling back at me. I guess. Hummmm.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

do old hb kids remember this shit? i miss you guys. i'm actually a nerd.

i used to REALLY love clothes.i still do, don't get me wrong... but the lack of money i can spend on that stuff is way more limited then it was a few years ago. ghudfghkfsd

these babes are mine

Monday, May 24, 2010

not like they used to

And I find myself indifferent towards your counselling and your suffering and even though my own incompetence sometimes masks the most honest of answers, these subconcious allies still find the time to plot distasterous woes that aim to strike down the rest of humanity. When jibberish moves mountains and lies become permanent you can finally settle down to rest. At last I can pour forgiveness into your open wounds and see the reflectionary turmoil amongst your bones. Britle as they may be they still bend but do not snap. You will bend but never snap. She told me she could see me for miles and days held up by the holiest of angels, yet my only reply was to strike her across her pale, pale face and smirk when she turned some dark blue eye up at me. I will never crave your revolution or your life or your sin. I will only sit here in darkness and will every host of passion to run and turn their backs on you.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Minus the bear AND Boris playing republik? Ohhhhh my fuck, yes.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Holy eyes were watching us as we dug and dug and dug and all those flowers surrounding created shadows all around us. I remember not remembering what colour your eyes were just for a second and I wonder how many other things I forgot about you. Short lived and sweet is all I can ever really say anymore. Stretch up your arms and make an impression. I will search for you and destroy you when I find you, and I will find you. Ghostly imprints on my mind, all over my skin like traces of those who were never really there for you anyway. To start with. Or something. 'What'd you like most about this morning?' 'waking up and thinking I was alone then opening my eyes and seeing your lonely soul sleeping beside me.' ugh I'll put a few more words in your mouth when I'm ready but for now have that patience and virtue that all those masses taught us all so well. I'm kidding. Today I somehow reached a sort of solace with myself and that around me. Despite your need for attention I'll still sit quietly because that's how it is I just don't care. I'll worry about myself and love the people around me and be one with everything worth anything which I decide is important. There always are exceptions.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Your power struggles only exist because you're all dreaming them up, and then you see those dreams as a part of genuine reality when all you really are is selfish... and a bit concieted... and entirely arrogantly confused. I ride along beside your woes purely because it's not worth fighting against - because I honestly just don't care to make that sort of scene. I thought a lot of things would change themselves for the better in very specific ways and even though changes have happened, they've happenend in unexpected ways and I think I'd rather this then that because this is what's happening and that's just really... far away. I can't have my bones breaking like this all the time anymore and i need to get my head out of this water. The depths to which I swam only to hear my name sileneced by you - I guess that sounds a bit dramatic and I don't mean it like that but let's face it- 123456789 whatever months is a long time in terms of words we wasted. Over over over but not done. For the best for the best. I will live alone I will die alone. I will live surrounded and die alone. I'm okay because you and you are here and that's it really. I'm okay because of mostly you. I will try to see the beauty in you even if you cast this away. I will strive to see the good in everyone because what's the point in not. I've always been creating ideas in my head - dictations on the proper way to live - and I've been correct a lot but sometimes I think it's all harmed
me more than helped me.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

throw her in the water

SO since i have red hair, and if i still have red hair by october... i'm gunna be poison ivy for halloween. ugh so good

summer's gunna be a goooood one i'm thinking! seeing as it's may and i already love my life so much more than i have in the past few months. augh!

murray just skated by deville...

why life is good: weather warming up, not working tomorrow night, i have red hair?, my apartment, patios!, ooh i have the best of friends, bodysuits, DOGS, skish skish skish is home for the summer!

i'm really broke until friday because apparently a certain BOSS at a certain COFFEE SHOP that i WORK AT doesn't know how to give me my TIPS. hi keith. how will i function tomorrow on a few dollars.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

such wastes of my time

"because i will sit and stare at you and i won't see you and i'll try to not think about how much you've done me wrong."

Thursday, May 6, 2010


ALL I DO IS WORK... again. and again. and again and again and again. i'd rather it be like this then like something else? i think. at least i have money.

i'm at a sort of inbetween phase of a lot of stuff, i think. it always seems to come around and happen again, but it's always funny how the people you trust with your life one day can be the same ones to try and tear you down a few months later. i guess it doesn't always happen like that and it's never happened like this, but people change... a lot of people have changed, and so have i... and now i'm off to better places (which don't include you, you, you, or especially you,) and even though it's sort of startling i'm more than fine with it... i'm even coming to prefer it. everything sucks but everything is BEAUTIFUL.

on a sad note, mik moves in 19 days. auuuuuuuugh what. what am i going to do.
BUT, on a really, really, realllllly good note, i see simone in a matter of hours.
on another good note, i have now have a couch (thanks to dom), and an un-built coffee table... but it's still a coffee table. getting my life a little bit more together is really good.

sometimes i think i should say fuck it, suck it up and move but then i realize that it's not this city that i have a problem with, man, it's not even a lot of the people, it's just SOME people and the fact that getting stuck in routines can = boredom and frustration and the same old thing... so i guess you just gotta learn to sort of look past that and appreciate.

i'm ranting, i'm on my break at deville. tonight is living legends at republikkkkkkkkkk!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Last night was good

7am work hangover = every Wednesday of my life

Sunday, May 2, 2010

today E.L and i took some pictures

and i like them.

sometimes i want to sleep until three just so i don't have to be awake to think about you.

the black in their eyes tells me some things that i really need to hear, the black in their bodies makes them feel like they're on top of the world. evil ways. evil ways evil ways evil ways. everyone hates selfishness but sometimes there's nothing better than to act completely opposite of selfless. give me soundtracks that will help me to remember in the days to come, give me contact that will impress even the sallowest of sinners. every so often i get this feeling that i couldn't possibly have enough in common with anyone to feel at ease with this human race, and within the time of these phases it can get so strong that i don't know what to say even in front of my closest friends. i cannot hate them, nothing binds them to me. separatism has always been some fucking problem. i think i'm doing a little better. nights like last night turn me around from disgust to a sick sort of wonderment and i can't lie i was happy being beside you. i always find myself in the same places at the same middle hours of the night and for now that's what i want. for now what i want is a comfortable high... you know? fun? something like that. honeyyyyyyyy dripppppping.

life is a plot

so i lied, i don't hate everyone... sometimes i just get in crazy ruts where i hate everything. haha.

lately life has been...

i forgot how much i love both of those movies. aaauuugh lost in translation is so good.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I hate everyone. I am constantly bummed on people and always frustrated. I try not to be but I can't help it.. Because so many people are just so.... Mind blowingly inconsiderate and irrational and ridiculous. I hate getting like this but fuck it.
Thank god for my coworkers at republik and deville.. They are the only ones here keeping me from losing my mind.
Everyone sucks.