HAPPY 420TH POST TO ME AND MY BLOG

market yourself: hey i'm good at counting large sums of money and making people awkward. i'm always pretty unsure but entirely certain, and therefore everything hits me hard and i tend to think a lot. in school i always got good grades and always made friends with my teachers as opposed to students... even when i was in highschool i couldn't stand highschool kids. sometimes i forget to assert myself and then i get in over my head but i'm working on it. i'm rational and responsible by default, and i've been told i'm memorable. i've only been in love with one boy and even then i was sort of removed from it all. i have a lot of friends, i know a lot of people, i can go pretty much anywhere in north america and have a couch to sleep on and a group of people that will show me love. even so, i can count the people who actually seem to want to sit down and listen and talk and get on another LEVEL on my fingers... but i'm kind of okay with that. i love deeply if i love at all. i can be heartless and immoral and evil but at the end of the day i just want good vibes for everyone. i'm weird and i bet if you tried you couldn't figure out what typical stereotype i would best fit into. people always tell me i need to get away from calgary but the truth is i have too much here right now to leave. jobs, money, apartment. seemingly superficial things that i'm not ready to leave yet. i think one day i'll get up and go and then i'll be gone for a long time. i take things to heart in a way that it's hard to hurt me but easy to trust me, and even thought i'm trustworthy i can only seem to trust few and far between. i have a lot of secrets and i don't like selfishness. my sister's getting married in october and i don't know who i want to take as my date.

too late to catch me now

another one of those days? you wake up and i watch you. perceptions constantly change and i can't tell if it's just me or if it's just everybody else. have you ever had any one of these days? because despite your speaking of truth i can't help but see that it's just you that's deceived. look for a higher truth, look for a higher purpose, and constantly try to be as comfortable and as lovable and as hypocritically available as you can be. damn i call bluff. DAMN i call your bluff. nothing really matters because everything matters to someone and when you find out what matters to you that's when you start to slow down... or speed up... or just do something different. i guess. i don't know what i'm writing about i'm just writing. today i'm just really fucking frustrated and i don't want to be. limbo state of everyone you know. don't take them from me, don't take that from me... and i won't take anything from you. i think there's a lot of things about me that a lot of people really really really don't know about and most of the time i forget that people just DON'T know me... and i forget that the people who do know me probably know me better than i think. and then i get confused because sometimes i wish it was all just a lot more simple.


geoff is home thank god

empty souls

"it's beyond me simply because i don't think i can bear to face it yet, it's beyond me because i don't want to. i can't be lonely for you when i don't even cross your mind. do i cross your mind?"

"i could kiss every inch of your body for hours and i'd never get bored"

i woke up in the best way this morning and give or take, i've spent pretty much the entire day in and around my bed. it's always the most stable seeming people that can get to me the most but it always ends up the same in the way that they end up to be way more fucked up than i could ever really tell. it's the ones that inspire me that should be the ones to stick around. blood clots and backs. i've been thinking lately... and now i know that i should re think everything that i've thought about. comprehending what it is to want to understand "it" doesn't necessarily mean that it's some out of body religious monarchy or something, it could be as simple as it is you and it is different for every single person because every person is singular in their existence to themselves. the idea that since our brains hold memory can coincide with the fact that our brains are made up of matter - and all matter is made of atoms and molecules - and therefore they are a source of energy and energy can not be created or destroyed so the memories that this mind molecules have held have theoretically been passed down throughout the world through energy and a essence of matter - which then could be put into a couple different circumstances. rebirth, reincarnation, the idea of one person lives different lives over and over and even though the conscious of one lifetime is not able to remember and recognize the conscious of past lifetimes - maybe the memory molecules (memory ENERGY) still have the ability to hold onto those past lifetimes. now, how do you reach those "memories"? they are somewhere, they are tangible in their own right, but how do we reach them? altered states of conciseness? using methods of psychedelic mediums in order to put our minds in another place that could possibly reach back that far? i don't know but i want to know. it = you. universe/everything/entirety = universe. it = everything. you = universe? i don't know. just rambles.

and all the medicine went to my head again late last night

And all the medicine went to my head again. Late last night, my bed of saccharine, my bad amphetamine, I was lit from within, burning with means and ends. And the city life is like sugar high, knocking me out, keeping me wired. It's incredible,
unsteady chemicals come and go the ebb and flow. When the measure of your work is the measure of your worth, then you better make it work.
There's some people I could name, but it's not the time or place to split hairs with the guys downstairs. They'll get their fair share I'm sure. The frequency is gonna take us there.
And the city kids, the angry with-it kids, hate everything the first time. It's incredible, the kind of chemicals knocking aroud in my mind. In the winter of my night I found a desperate kind of light, and nothing comes without a fight.
You want to know where the good thoughts grow, but you ought to know where all the good thoughts go. You can't afford to miss a day. Call in sick, you better stay that way. Stay that way.

give this to me

oh and if you know what's really gooood for you..

you should probably attend this! get some cheap good clothes and support what's best..




AND




maaan fuck my life