magic fingers

it's at the point where all i say is what do you want me to say, so go away and never turn back and never ever evvvvver steal something like that again. it's at the point where i want to run up and tell the truth but i don't think i'm really ready for that sort of scene or that sort of certainty because the thing i am most is uncertain. my head is like a 50/50 spilt between everything at the same time, yes and no fighting, and not really knowing but knowing at the same time has always been my problem. cause i think about it a lot, i said i think about (you?) it a lot. i think about a lot... a lot. shady days that i want to make good turning into things i don't know how to handle and things i don't want and things i wish would stop and when the borders of the rooms start talking silently you know something's up. something. is. up. familiar rooms that you can't even find your way around in. familiar sounds that you can't place. i wish i could help you and i know i'm helping you but god DAMN it i wish i could help you more and i wish you would do what i'm telling you because i know what i'm talking about and i'm just so fucking sick of seeing everyone get hurt. that's all you do is hurt people, make people really really really happy then hurt them, and you know that, and that sucks. and i've already told you all of this but it just gets to me sometimes i guess. games gaaames games. the air is hot and sticky and if i ever find a moment's peace i'll be sure to let you know. it's like when the lights are red and it's really loud and i hear the chords and notes and sounds and vibrations and that's when i know i love something. the truth is it sucks whenever you have to ask me what happened, and it sucks when you don't remember what i told you, but the fact that you'll always come back (home) to me is what makes everything bad okay again. you know? somewhere where friendship is actual and it's not just some sort of weird, sketchy thing. sitting in my parent's kitchen listening to cursed as loud as it can go, no wonder they're happier when i'm gone. a lot of things are fucking with me right now and i don't know why all of a sudden. i wish you could hold a conversation. i wish you could get that look outta your eyes. god you're different. god you're good. off to better places off to better places i'm off to better places. people soon will clear my head, those people i haven't seen in years, year, too long. they're gunna get me like nobody else because that's what they're best at. i really like cursed right now. so many things to do... but not at all.