some days are better than others and some days i'm better than others but today i can hardly even make a sound

ugh three years ago all over again and i hate it more and more every single day. i don't want this to be happening but try as i might, i can't shake it in the least. only gets worse. it's your fault and not mine. some stupid cycle that sucks me in and makes everything i should like turn into everything i can't stand, and then spits me out again with a lone conclusion that sitting at home and avoiding people will make it better. which it won't. this shouldn't matter but the fact that it does just makes it more apparent to me that i really shouldn't give up on this. god DAMNIT.

i wish that..... i was sitting in a forest smoking weed with durell. or somewhere in the mountains. getting baked in the hut or riding bikes down queen with hill and joe. cooking in your kitchen. music in your car. or just gone away somewhere else.

bahhhhh someone save me haha i need a good talk