boreeed

SO. i've actually started to really like working at the other atomic location, the people ruuuuule and can get weird like i do and i don't feel out of place when i do weird things or say weird things, haha... which i guess is a really important part of a positive working enviornment... sorta thing. tonight is blink 182 and i'm not going and i don't know why and i'm bummed out because no matter what i'd be so overly happy at that concert. maaaaan. i hope someone buys me a tshirt.
it's raining outside, i'm at my parents house, my bike is outside atomic. fuck maaaaaaaaaaaaaan. being that far from my bike... fuck maaaaaaan...
i go to toronto in like... four days............ foooour days. mmm kelly. haha.

it's just as simple as the fact that i don't like his hands or what he does with them

takes the edge off, that's why, it takes the edge off. it makes it so i can sit back and not care. i makes it so i can be staring at the ceiling even though i should be staring at you. past the shoulders and passing the time. separating away from anything. separating what you know and what you think you know. in time what comes to pass will be all you have left. it's like when knowing your place means not crossing any lines. it's like when knowing your place is relevant in any way. stepping down those stairs stepping down those stones feeling like falling maybe it's just that i'm eager or it's just that you made me eager to get that again. i wanna get it again, i wanna get it again. mmm again and again. "i wish two drinks were always in me." two drinks are more often than not... always in me. what's wrong can be right and what's right could turn out to be what you don't need. in the end that's what you don't need. climbing up walls and climbing up pillars and climbing up consciousness and the fact that i can't read a single person's mind astounds me as everyone thinks they know what's going on but everyone is entirely oblivious in their own world. i can't help but talk to you and i can't help but look at you and i can't help but not really think. i don't know what i'm writing about. all i really meant to say is that it's weird but good but sucks when you miss someone you don't really know but kind of know, all for no real apparent reason and there's no reaaaal cause behind it but you just miss them and wish they were in front of you so you could talk about whatever and do whatever and i don't really get it. i guess that's just recently occurred to me, really recently.

THEY LIVED IN TRUTH AND NOTHING THEY DID WAS SECRET

He suddenly recalled the famous myth from Plato's Symposium: People were hermaphrodites until God split them in two, and now all the halves wander the world over seeking one another. Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost.
Lets us suppose that such is the case, that somewhere in the world each of us has a partner who once formed part of our body. Tomas's other part is the young woman he dreamed about. The trouble is, man does not find the other part of himself. Instead, he is sent a Tereza in a bulrush basket. But what happens if he nevertheless later meets the one who was meant for him, the other part of himself? Whom is he to prefer? The woman from the bulrush basket or the woman from Plato's myth?

the devils in the details, in the walls someone turn the lights on got an old sinkin feelin that the wolves are on my doorstep and always have been

i cant control my actions. and i cant control my thoughts. and when i see the things you've done. it makes me fucking hot.

hand over mouth. whites of the eyes. these scars will heal just in time for summer. for killing season. when your old man gets home to criminal disarray you tell him icarus was here today. whatever gets you through the night. i never said that this was right. for everything you never said, for everything you never did. no roses on an unmade bed. i never said that any of this was safe and clean. when your old man gets home tell him sisyphus was right. the myth is real. you get to the top. the rock falls down the other side. again and again. and its all for naught. these scars will heal but we never will...so what separates us from animals again? whites of the eyes. its in the whites of the eyes. hand over mouth. whites of the eyes. these scars will heal and your just in time. just in time. just in time for killing season.





i'm sitting on my stoop in the dark listening to cursed and i'm scared. there are moths everywhere.............




what.........

magic fingers

it's at the point where all i say is what do you want me to say, so go away and never turn back and never ever evvvvver steal something like that again. it's at the point where i want to run up and tell the truth but i don't think i'm really ready for that sort of scene or that sort of certainty because the thing i am most is uncertain. my head is like a 50/50 spilt between everything at the same time, yes and no fighting, and not really knowing but knowing at the same time has always been my problem. cause i think about it a lot, i said i think about (you?) it a lot. i think about a lot... a lot. shady days that i want to make good turning into things i don't know how to handle and things i don't want and things i wish would stop and when the borders of the rooms start talking silently you know something's up. something. is. up. familiar rooms that you can't even find your way around in. familiar sounds that you can't place. i wish i could help you and i know i'm helping you but god DAMN it i wish i could help you more and i wish you would do what i'm telling you because i know what i'm talking about and i'm just so fucking sick of seeing everyone get hurt. that's all you do is hurt people, make people really really really happy then hurt them, and you know that, and that sucks. and i've already told you all of this but it just gets to me sometimes i guess. games gaaames games. the air is hot and sticky and if i ever find a moment's peace i'll be sure to let you know. it's like when the lights are red and it's really loud and i hear the chords and notes and sounds and vibrations and that's when i know i love something. the truth is it sucks whenever you have to ask me what happened, and it sucks when you don't remember what i told you, but the fact that you'll always come back (home) to me is what makes everything bad okay again. you know? somewhere where friendship is actual and it's not just some sort of weird, sketchy thing. sitting in my parent's kitchen listening to cursed as loud as it can go, no wonder they're happier when i'm gone. a lot of things are fucking with me right now and i don't know why all of a sudden. i wish you could hold a conversation. i wish you could get that look outta your eyes. god you're different. god you're good. off to better places off to better places i'm off to better places. people soon will clear my head, those people i haven't seen in years, year, too long. they're gunna get me like nobody else because that's what they're best at. i really like cursed right now. so many things to do... but not at all.

the warrior the warrior

1. ugh i hardly know you but you are so great hahaha fuuuck man
2. i get you? and i got you no matter what. sort of thing.
3. sad you left.
4. deranged human, i care about you more than most people for some strange reason.
5. bumming me out man. bumming. me. out.


at worked i got moved to 2.0 and that means i don't work with jack or george or jess and that SUCKS. bums me the fuck ouuuut work was so hilarious every day because i just hung out with two of my good friends all day. and now i'm the new girl again and don't know anybody, haha. fuck.
today i bought stuff...as in clothes... for the first time in so long. it made me feel so good. hahaha. i need lots of money for toronto so i can satisfy my lack of shopping and new clothes in my life. i used to be obsessed with that shit, cared so much about stuff like certain collaborations between certain names and drops and new shit and just augh. everything surrounding that culture i loved and even though i'm not as into it now i can't help myself from lurking the internet and paying some attention to it. haha. i still get excited for new releases from like... huf and supreme and visvim ahahahahahah i love it.
god DAMN it i wish i was balllin right now.
weird mooo0ods. today was strange and so was yesterday. something is strange. i've realized something that i don't know yet. i'm expecting it? whaat.
ive come to the conclusion that if kim and i dont have ichi ban, ciggarettes, rice, some sort of juice, chicken, and weed in the house... we're fucked.
fucked.
hahahaha