when you look at things too long and maybe let your mind loose a little too much and the walls start to move and the pictures start to turn and the look in your eyes has to make it obvious. days when you'd rather be alone and listen because if anyone says anything to you you might break out in tears. and then remember you're crying for nothing, to no one. then you remember how fucking panicky everything makes you. and they start talking again. and you can do nothing but nod. everything is good and everything is beautiful and if you're not careful you're going to loose track and loose everything you've worked up. and sounding stupid. and sounding pointless. and things that used to make you laugh make you upset. you're not like anyone else. nobody's like anyone. but we might all be exactly the same?
i don't understand.
i don't think i've ever felt this separate in my life? it's not necessarily bad. it's just separate. and different. and secluded and so uncertain. and then it's like a change reaction. looking in the mirror and wanting to look away as soon as you meet the look in your own eyes.
i hope nobody in their right mind looks at this and reads it. because i know they wouldn't get it...
today's been too weird.................. i wish my momma was here........
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