it makes me sad when i realize that i have made someone i care about sad or upset or angry or anything. maan. the past month and a half/two months have been fucked up in the best/worst way possible... end to end... extreme to extreme... best and worst. good still outweighs the bad though, there's that. i have that. we have that. i need to start working on myself in a way that i can be more selfless and keep no barrier on perspective in order to stop doing the things that i don't realize i really do. keeping an eye out. i need to be entirely, completely honest with not only myself, but every single person around me, in every single way, because if i'm not something will fuck up and somewhere will fuck up and it'll only create something that i don't want. i need to start being a real person and getting back to how i once was, mixed up with some of the things i am and think now. you know? self improvement to become better in a sense that i'll be happier when i keep up my motivation. and ambition. and strengths. and remember my weaknesses. in short... i'm sorry to everyone i unintentionally fuck with. i don't mean to. i promise i don't.
new start new start new start. everything is about to change in the biggest way my life has changed to date. terrifying and stressful and ultimately intimidating as fuck but i think i just have to get a better hold on remembering what i think is right and realizing what's right and wrong and being alive and living life instead of letting it just sort of happen around me. there are amazing people in my life and amazing opportunities and amazing everythings! figuring things out is just the process that goes along with it all. maaaaaaan! i'm okay. i'll be okay. you'll be okay. everything is, has been and will always be beautiful.
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