seen it all

on nights where the air is thick and the moon is yellow and the colour in their skin matches the colours on the pavement. it's the nights where people seem to do nothing but bring on another fresh round of confusion. why are some things so damn unnecessary. asking asking asking. i never wanted the world... just a portion. the days where downtown smells like a city far away and when the faces you used to see turn into different faces that you're becoming used to seeing now. fucking around. piles of shoes. dishclothes. dishwash. wash wash wash. it's like the only thing i want to do is be alone and be drunk alone and then i actually think about it and i'd rather nothing but you to be there too. here too? somewhere too. wherever i am. worrying and worrying and worrying but then remembering that it does not fucking matter. proud and free. proud and free. proud and free. i hate the way your voice sounds. i hate it. i hate that stupid tone. that stupid stupid tone. i get it now. i think i'm a lot closer and a lot farther from figuring out what i know than i think. mixed up. clarity versus perception is a constant war. i'm sorry i wake you up when you're sleeping and i'm not but i swear to god i mean only good things and i think you know that but i don't think i know and i know you don't know if anything is reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal. the city blows my mind. the sky blows my mind. the moon blows my mind. people blow my fucking mind. sometimes all i want to do is sit and talk but to who? i don't know.










last night was weird. too broke to get too drunk so other people bought me shots all night and by the time i got home i was thoroughly impressed with the unimpressive. if you get that. listening to the same three songs on repeat.