Wednesday, June 30, 2010

She has a headache and feels worn out. She would willingly stay in bed, but milada said she would e coming by at ten o'clock. But why is she coming today? Irena hasn't the slightest desire to be with anyone at all!

Last night was bizzare. Girly pre-drink followed by local then the drum. Decided to zoom by myself and just couldn't be at the drum surrounded by so much noise and boozin.. So I went on a series of bike rides that led me to various really random encounters and situations. 3 am rolled around with Sarah and I sitting in my apartment talking until 7 am.. Then I watched a few episodes of heroes in my bed and passed out. Woke up in the evening and now I'm at work. I needed a solitary trip last night.. It cleared up my head a lot and I thought through a lot of shit that's been getting at me. I'm so good at being alone, but even then I do like being around others. Two nights in three days I've seen 6am. Sunday I was at the drum till after hours then Yarko and I stayed up too late. Yesterday I lost my mind then had the best conversation with Sarah. Durell arrives tomorrow, which means more late nights ad summer. I'm stoked.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

'cause sometimes, i feel like this little thing might keep on not getting fixed and it'll just grow and grow and grow to the point of one day taking over my entire identity. even if they don't really think about it, it'll still be there. like some lonely and undeniable and merciful giant elephant in one very small room. and i can't figure things out now so if somebody doesn't happen along to work in a perfect way i need this will never be cured - i always need to be cured and i will always perish in my own world. i asked you why i can never work and you simply replied because you live in your own head as apposed to everyone else, who lives together. and even though they might be messed up, they're together. and i'm alone. do you get it yet? am i getting through? one little problem turning over and over into consumption. god damn you beauties and god damn you open households, i will never be the same."

looking forward to: sled island this week, durell and kevin and landon, ugh love you summer.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Sunday, June 27, 2010

photos from the past little bit...

fathers day in the mountains! haha my family is funny.

beers at the drum with good buds!

simone, kim, and i will forever be in love

typical day in my summer life!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Lately I have a lack of inspiration

Leaky rooves! Third floor compaionship. If I could stop I would. Keys don't fit and now you're just sad, stuck out in the rain. Your corruption is chosen, just like the pattern of your nails and I can't see far enough anymore to stop you. Secretly I'm hoping you'll show up. Everything would be like our most lonesome of moments... But caved in enough as to form a perfect arch in hopes of salvaging the past. You open your mouth and all we hear is foriegn tongues spoken in sounds unknown. Flourish a little more and maybe something would start running at your course of interjection. I want to live in trees and sleep on a beach and concentrate again. I want a crack at your mind and I want to make you good at last.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

i lead a strange but great life

lost fox tail, hotels with metalheads, patio pools, mountains, bikes, tubby dog hello, boys in beige suits dancing through crowds, few hours sleep, hmm sometimes when i say something people are just silent after... haha. awkward.

last night i got to hang with durell!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

some days are better than others and some days i'm better than others but today i can hardly even make a sound

ugh three years ago all over again and i hate it more and more every single day. i don't want this to be happening but try as i might, i can't shake it in the least. only gets worse. it's your fault and not mine. some stupid cycle that sucks me in and makes everything i should like turn into everything i can't stand, and then spits me out again with a lone conclusion that sitting at home and avoiding people will make it better. which it won't. this shouldn't matter but the fact that it does just makes it more apparent to me that i really shouldn't give up on this. god DAMNIT.

i wish that..... i was sitting in a forest smoking weed with durell. or somewhere in the mountains. getting baked in the hut or riding bikes down queen with hill and joe. cooking in your kitchen. music in your car. or just gone away somewhere else.

bahhhhh someone save me haha i need a good talk

took the night

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

gobble gobble + braids house show. just fucccckin around with my camera.

my new lil buddy! credit goes to sam smith at bushido... you are unreal.

Monday, June 14, 2010

"sea of evil"

kevin peterson!


Pulseeeeeeeee. Nothing wrong with sitting at home and listening to the same three earth songs on repeat. Nothing is wrong with completley immersing yourself in books about existance and idealistic interpretations. Augh. I'd rather be alone than be around people that only seem to exude buuuuullllllshit. I'll always be bitter towards this almost unrecognizable circuit of social and societal rituals and cliches and expectations. Living inside my head.. Might be bad for me but it's where I like to settle. So many of my days are spent observing humans and all the ridiculous shit they do, and it does nothing but make a general opinion that people always seem to be terribly preoccupied with that which (in my opinion), shouldn't hold as much worth as they've created such to be. I don't know, I've said the likes of this many times - but it just seems like there's two different kinds of people - those who have the capability to comprehend that there's more to living than what is generally expected of us - money family job success - that there's so much more than going along with everything around you and that there is so much value in thought and experience and vitality - and those who live without real awareness of the world around them. no creativity or longing or prospects or aggression and no will to be more than what is accepted by the general masses.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

when i die 1000 birds will fly out of my mouth

couple good days, and a couple more to come. yesterday chad and i went shopping (i took him shopping), then we got local dinner and drinks with jordan. today dom and i went nw all afternoon which was nice, i don't see her enough even though i see her a lot. tonight is inepsy which means good music and good friends. tomorrow i work early then i'm gunna get drunk with kim and go to a straight edge show, hah. tuesday dom and i are going to smoke weed and sew, then wednesday i'm getting tattooed! good daaaaaays.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Dear you

You know what to do. Submissive ambiance of the unknown and try as I might I can never seem to block you out as much as you've seemingly been able to completley erase me. Ugh. It's not even like that... It's just every person I meet now I can't get enough out of just because you gave me so much. I remember now how easily I can stand gaurd against my own devices because when I get THAT so much of everything else just doesn't add up right in the same way to make enough sense to click. Click click click. Most of the time I don't even remember that you exist but when I do I still just can't wrap my head around any of your actions. I just wish I could spend a few more days with you before you leave simply because I don't know how to talk to anyone like I can talk to you and lately I've been getting worried about things that are probably nothing really worth worrying about but I can't help it and I just want to sit and talk. This is too obvious and honest and I don't feel good anymore.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

raspberry lips

i need... ... ... want -
a new dvd player/fix my current one somehow?
new jeans.
work shoes!
surfing somewhere hot and beautiful please
moving on up

re-obsessed with batman for the time being.

smoke, oil olive and balsamic, soy caps, 5am