Thursday, April 30, 2009

i love coffee

i have had so much coffee today. today started out SO fucking shitty. so bad. i was so upset all day. i'd get out of it for 15 minutes then just BAM so sad. fuck that. BUT. then i went downtown and sat in beano and drew and evesdropped/talked to random people for so long and then cody and laura randomly showed up and ever since then i've been so happy. then i drove a long way home and listened to shook ones and got more coffee then smoked more weed and now i'm so good. but. i don't know if i'll sleep tonight. i need to get myself to bed SOON if i want to sleep.

julian andrew and roughan and i are having the strangest conversation on my facebook... on something roughan drunkinly said to me. soooo great. i love them so much. hahaha. they will forever be my boys.

come home

i'm in a really bad mood today. it's early. i wish i could sleep more. i'm stressed. there's so much i need to do that i haven't done... everytime i think about anything remotely important i feel sick. uuuuuuuugh. i have no idea what to do. i don't want to do anything. i have to do something. more than that... i just have so much bullshit i have to do that i have no choice but to do it. maaan. i have crazy mixed feelings about too much... but i think fucking STRESS is most dominant. fuck it.
people are fucking weird. all i do is watch people. too many people make me so mad, but at the same time don't bother me at all.
the good thing about today is that it's thursday... which means tomorrow's friday... which is always good. which means i'll see all the people i love.

if i had a job i wouldn't be like this... i can 100% gaurantee it...

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

if i wore dunks i'd be into these... i am into them... but i never really wear nikes at all...

yeah. they're cute. if i tried i know i could pull it off. if only i was into spending a lot of money and wearing skinny dunks right now...

this what i do all day

zero makeup puffy eyes dirty hair = me
hey suuuuuuuuuuup

bahahahah i don't know why i'm putting these on the internet...

this evening i went to cabin secretly when only erin and teal were there. they made me feel a lot better. i'm really really really really sad i will never get to work a shift with erin again. i love her so so soo much. she's one of the most sensible, smart and beautiful people i've ever gotten to know... ever. she's unreal. i love her.
i'm getting way closer to being okay with getting fired, haha. stupid reasons. whatever. i think as soon as i secure myself another job my life will be so great again. because it's still great... and i still am happy and love life but... bummer! haha. i'm going to go put together/build my new bed soon... i haven't done it yet. i want to party! it's tuesday and i have things to do though. ughugh!
i live for having fun. straight up. even if you think i'm drunk too much or don't give a shit... i have the best friends and i'm constantly having the best time. it rules. being young rules. yaaay.

los angeles

i've been at home awake allll by myself since about 9 am! i've had sort of a boring and painfully unproductive and extremely baked day but i'm okay with that. i think i needed it. i think i'm going to build my new bed tonight. i think i'm going to do laundry. i'm going to finish doing my resume. i'm going to clean up a bit. then tomorrow i will start anew!
atmosphere is tomorrow!


Monday, April 27, 2009

for the first time in YEARS and years

yo the worst thing happened today! i'm jobless. i'm fucking JOBLESS. i'm not getting into it on here because it's not neccesary but god fucking damnit. sick day, got up to go to work, then just NO. fuck fuck fuck. i feel like i just got dumped after a two and a half year loving, passionate relationship. hahaha. whatever. no use getting like this. i might as well just get a new better job and have a little bit of a start over for myself? job wise. money wise. pace wise. YEAAAH. it still sucks. it sucks i'll never work a saturday day and i'll never see any of my regulars again and aw man, CABIN. but fuck it. whatever. fuuuuuuck it.

bleary eyed drug addled minds star shine lucky charm baby sugar melt into the couuuuch but more importantly melt in to meeeee

today, this morning, out of nowhere i got so sick. sick like i used to get. sick that's not okay. sick that i needed to drop what i was doing and go home to my bed and not see anything, hear anything, taste anything, touch anything, do anything. i don't know what's wrong, i never really did know. apparently i know less now. all i want is to know. i know if i knew i'd be able to do something about it. or at least do something about it easier. i need to go into work at 4:30 and it's 3:35... that sucks. i wish it was sunnier out, i think i'd be a lot more cheerful right now if it were.
honest interpretations through honest eyes and honest mouths. when you look at someone and you just somehow get what their face is telling you. because you've been there too. and it's scary sometimes. i think that my lack of know how to go over to them and somehow convey that i get it, without using words necessarily, is something that fucks with me. i don't know how and i don't know if i should. i just want everyone that feels like that to know that i get it. i know what the feeling is. i can't explain it. i can't explain anything right now. hence this fucking vagueness.
it's weird seeing people you haven't seen in a long time... people that at one point you knew very well. it's weird that sometimes when these people come back you can go straight back to knowing them even though you haven't spoken or even seen them in half a year or longer. i love that. some people are starting to come home since school's done and even though i know it'll be so good i can't help but think at the back of my mind of one person who i just don't know what to say or what to do around. i know it'll be okay. it's just weird. i feel bad. i'm excited. maan. having a normal day until 1030 am then going home and sleeping until 3 just fucked with me. i don't know why.
this weekend was a gooder... every weekend is good though. i know good people. friday was drum then embassy and good drives. saturday i lurked all day by myself out in the world then i met tyler and went to some house show, and ended up going to neils then some bikeland party, where everyone i was there with sorta thing got kicked out... haha go figure.... but that's okay because everyone there just migrated to the embassy for a late late late night of weirdness? haha. the most random people were there, i kind of avoided them and whenever i was around them i caught myself openly just staring at them. haha. it was a good night, it was a really nice night even though it was really weird haha.
there's more things that i wanted to type about in this entry. this isn't it. i odn't know.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

we will become silhouettes

last weekend, jack's birthday at the embassy. good night. even though for a while i was almost too fucked up to talk, it was such a good night. all of my friends are such babes, i love them...

last night was fun. it was tyler's birthday at the drum. kim, hooykas, cody, ayla and mar and i predrank at the apartment. i watched kyle hooykas chug so many beers to so many epic songs. hahahaha. i'm so glad that i don't have to be at work right now, or any time today. i slept through most of my hangover. i think. i don't really know what to do today... i need to buy a bed. i want to buy some clothes. tonight i'm going to attack in black with ty i think, which will be nice. i'll probably drive. i don't want to drink. i just want to chill. i want to see marlee. yeah. i'm going to go shopping and buy some nice clothes, go home and probably change and maybe eat something, then meet tyler and eventually go to attack in black. maybe something after. i want a laaaaaate night but i all i want to do is lurk. all i ever do is lurk.

tomorrow i'm going to go buy a new bed.