want

my day went from being really really horribly shitty to BEING AMAZING AND NOW IM IN AN AMAZING MOOD. and now i think i'm out of my rut that i got stuck in from the past few days? since sunday? basically since mushrooms. i freaked out about gala things all morning then i freaked out silently and didn't talk to anyone nicely for a long time because my mind was going craaaaaazy so then i decided to go sit outside beano in the sun with my notebook for a couple hours and that made everything so great. i'm sorting things out! i'm so happy. after beano i went on a drive and listened to really loud jawbreaker. i have re-discovered my love for unfun. amazing! after that i went to my house and my mom and i went to wal-mart and she bought me things i can't afford which rules! now i'm waiting for pizza for dinner. i haven't had pizza since the summer. after i think i might lurk the city since it's beautiful. maybe with skish. we are ultimate team friends out of nowhere. hahaha.
i took a picture of my dog? a bad one. he hates the camera and gets nervous and moves right away.

THESE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS MY MOM BOUGHT ME. various footwear? so great. hahahahahha. socks. yes.



people by default are secretive. no matter what. you can't change that. you just can't. no matter how far you open your mind no matter how many things you do to open yourself completely you'll always be the one that can comprehend and understand your own mind's thoughts, no matter how much you try to explain them and express them and express yourself as a person. you will never fully know yourself. there will always be the individual's unknown that every person has potential to embrace. you are secret and in some ways, completely unknown to all things around you... living and not living. this goes in turn how no matter how hard you try you'll never fully know another person. you'll never know the way they actually think. you'll never know what their mind is made up of, you'll never know how exactly they view the world. complete certainty is something that always hides the unknown. the unknown are things you're aware of but don't understand. the unknown are things you've never known. you don't know that exist. things that you WILL never know. everyone will forever be alone from the day of birth to the moment of death. the afterlife is something that if it's like our human state now, it's also something that is no matter what, experienced in isolation. isolation doesn't always have to be negative. sometimes the afterlife is thought of as something that is completely different from the state of life now, and what if that's true? what if in another life instead of having a lock on your mind that you can never remove and expose your innermost beings to another being, you can put your mind and your soul on complete show. the difference then is if you have the conscious choice to expose that, or if it happens out of your control. being alone is the pinnacle of human existence - it's something that we could never change. human existence as we know it. things could change. what if humans just haven't explored enough introspectively and openly enough to discover how to completely expose themselves? and what if evolution and human/worldly development just hasn't reached the high enough stage to know how to expose themselves? or even go about figuring out how to? one day the human mind will be different. it's defaults will be different. it can go so many pathways though. it could go more open. it could go to being more closed. NOW THAT OPENS SO MANY MORE THINGS.


AUUUUUGH



I JUST RANDOMLY STARTED TYPING AND BLEW MY MIND



WITH THEORIES



FROM MY OWN HEAD


WHAT?!


that's what's been floating around for the past few days. actually. not really floating. more like crashing around and generally fucking around.