Saturday, August 29, 2009

you know what i can't wait for...

the people you are after are the people you depend on

i want to play games with your brains and feed on your laughter. close encounters. close contact cuddling. i want to breathe smoke. blood pouring out and thinking blowing over. i had no idea what i was doing. side effects, rips, war. you never really get it until it's over... anything's overrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Friday, August 28, 2009

bed me my you

i think i am on the very edge of losing my mind completely. the past two weeks have fucked with my life and fucked with my head way too much. it's like everything is good but everything is completely disastrous all at once and i don't get anything really. i just don't get it. hahaha oh wellllll... things only move on ... go forward.
tonight kim and i went to inglorious bastards... i liked it. at so many points i forgot i was watching a quentin tarentino film and would zone out into the movie, but then something weird would happen and i'd remember, and then i'd remember how much i love tarentino. hahaha. i miss watching a lot of movies... a lot of good movies... all the time and actually thinking about them. where does all my time go. why do i have no money to buy/rent movies. i love movies.
i am happy tomorrow's friday, i'm happy neil's birthday is soon, i'm happy sam is back this weekend, i'm happy i see geoff tomorrow, i'm happy i get paid sunday, i'm so happy jess jess is here next week, and i'm happy that i have ice blue kool aid. this is why i can't hate my life even though i should, there's a lot of good stuff.
losing my fucking mind.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

dreams made of drawings

custom pinball machine by mike budai, so great

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


tonight kim and i randomly got free tickets to some skaters skate competition at cowboys and it was a straaaange night. some cowboy girl asked kim and i to be in a bikini contest, some man asked levi and i if we wanted our picture on a keychain, kim and i watched ufc fighters strip, i saw too many chongos from highschool, and for the last 15 minutes we were there i stood and watched all of my male friends grind random chongo girls. THE LIFE OF A CHONGO. UNREAL.
i feel better even though i should not. i feel oddly content.
res hoots for daaaaaaaays fuck my life.

i knew every drumroll

i stole these photos from liams blog ( but just because COME ON. visvim.... i still love you. for a while recently i wasn't so sure... but nope... true love. me. and. you.

me and kim's life is really weird right now, a lot of weird, kind of.. surreal things have been happening as of late. hahaha what the fuck.
jack moved. skish left. everyone else is leaving or leaving soon and... that's sad. every september people i love leave.
it's almost the weekend, i'm happy. i hope my current sickness does not escalate any more than it already has.
i don't have a lot to say...

Saturday, August 22, 2009

instead of being in my normal calgary bubble i'm in a.... myself bubble... i'm really REALLY frustrated with people in general, and i'm just really not caring for anyone right now/anything... i don't know. constantly good but connnnstantly so bad. every little thing gets meeeee and it sucks but at the same time everything's okay. i'm just sick of selfish people, that's all. so sick of selfishness and incompetence. sick of being around it. sick of stupid shiiiiiiit.
this week i lost my life multiple times and it sucks because i'm in debt a few hundred dollars more...

there's a party at my house tonight......

Friday, August 21, 2009

no show

my wallet's gone, fifty bucks is gone, and my phone is gone. bums me out, obviously. i don't know what to say.
it's fridaay and i'm not going to get blackout drunk tonight. nope nope nope.
it's early. i need to go to the bank.
i don't understand why you act in the ways you do towards me. i just don't get it.
bad moods start off ***************?%$# days?

Saturday, August 15, 2009

everything i see is fucked

oh blink girlssssssss/best friendss i love you.

i hate selfish people. i hate bad attitudes. i hate it when people are really fucking rude. i hate unnecessary comments. i hate bullshit all the time. i know i'm guilty of allll of the above at one point or another, obviously, but still... stuff's just getting to me a little bit more than it ever does as of late. sucks because i get so annoyed, but okay because it just makes me more self aware. i don't like giving in to bad decisions seems like i'm always aware of the badness of the decisions, but i still just bypass it. i don't know. i just want to get baked i hate not having weed. worst thing.
last night was good. yeaaaaaah, a good calgary night... i like those. i liked not getting completely blackout on my ass wasted for once.

Friday, August 14, 2009

i want some secrets between me and you

raiiin. when i wake up two hours early for no real reason. when i go to bed 13 hours before my alarm rings. when i don't bother flipping the lights on, and i don't bother looking at you. and when in my worst moments, i don't mind feeling like i'm losing my mind or feeling like i'm completely fucked. sometimes. i don't know why i do some of the things i do and i don't know how i started thinking in the way i do. when you're awake, they're still asleep, staring at the wall, wishing that either you could be anywhere else in the world or that they could be anywhere else in the world because it's not what you want. point taken. it's not who you want.


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

mixed up real good

"a person who longs to leave the place he lives is an unhappy person."

oh kundera, how i wish your words could never come trueee.
i need someone/thing to get me more than this. that's what i need. i need to away, i need to do new things, i need to start, but i need to wait a little bit before i go i think. realize some more, get some more out of things, do some shit here, make it end good... but then... gonnne babbbbbbbbes.
i don't know why i write about this shit on here, i really don't. i don't know who is reading it or if anyone is, and it's fucked, and i just don't know.
today was a birthday dinner for my mom and sister, it made me realize how much i miss my family. bums me out. i just love them all so much in such different and fucked up ways, haha.

can't wait for kelly to get herrre

Monday, August 10, 2009

Well I dont feel better when Im fucking around and I dont write better when Im stuck in the ground so dont teach me a lesson cause Ive already learned

i fall in love with people and places and sometimes but not really that often, things. nouns. i love nouns. people amaze me, meeting different people amazes me, getting in people's heads amazes me, everything about human interaction and behavior is what i think about in day to day life. everyone is so god damn interesting even when they seem boring. i don't trust people, i don't let people get inside my head easy, i don't let people get to me... affect me... i love people, i hate people, i have individual distinct relationships with countless people from a lot of different places... and all of it blows my mind and makes me love life and freaks me out and everything all at once. i just love observing and knowing and just being aware of the strength, complicity and infiniteness of both human relationships and interactions as well as each individual as... an individual.
places. i've been far away from calgary a lot of times, and i've seen a lot of different cultures and cities and norms and feelings and vibes of those places. i love calgary, i really do, i always will in a way, it's my home... but just getting out and getting into different cities is so fucked and so interesting and so infatuating and so new and great. this past week in toronto i've reaaaaalllly realized how much of a perfect, almost untouchable alcoholic bubble calgary really is, and it's fucked. everyone here knows everyone somehow, you can't meet anyone and have them no nobody you know. i want to go somewhere that's more unknown to me, i want to move to a giant city with a lot of people and a lot of people i can like and live and have fun with and a lot of things to do and places to be and everything. that means i'm moving to toronto next september, i think. i think i have to, i have to leave calgary... this place makes me the happiest human and i love all my friends with all my heart but it's time for me to go and do other shit... and just... get outta here. toronto or wherever i feel as though i should go to in about 8 months time.
i just ate the biggest bowl of raspberries. auuuuuuuugh.
today i felt like shittt when i woke up and it sucked. went to work, still felt sick, almost cut my finger off? cut it like half way through the tip of my thumb. so fucked up. went to the drum on my break, sat and had a drink, went back to work, then left early. hahaha. went to the drum again and got salad and water. went home. i don't know why i feel this sickly, it suuucks. like... the flu? go away. sometimes i think i am falling apart, my immune system never works like it should hahah.
toronto was unreal. i actually had one of the best weeks i've had in a very, very, very, veryyyy long time and being there just made me so happy. seeing kelly was actually the best things that has happened since... last time i saw kelly. i love her so much and i'm so excited that she's going to be here on friday and will live in me and kim's house for ten days. maybe longer. who knowss. so stoked. we did so much random shit in toronto together. On the first day we were zoomin within an hour of me getting to her apartment, like fuckeeeed up, and then we chilled around her apartment and neighbourhood for a while, then headed downtown and met up with geoff and the guys he was staying at at a loft apartment on king and st lawrence. we ended up spending a bunch of time there and seeing those guys a bunch while i was there. so funny all the time. good people. another night we went to vap lounge on bloor, and smoked volcanos. there was some weeeeird comedy show happening that night and it was so fucked up and random and awkward and funny hahaha. on my last night me kelly michelle and kira went to 751 and got wasted to the point that nobody really remembers anything from that night except that it was really fun hahahaha. so fucked. blackouttt
i need to leave calgary more often, i had almost forgotten how good it is to get out of this city and go lurk in other cities. west coast next aka vancouver and victoria then probably montreal and toronto. i want to go to pei a lot lately... the whole eastern coast. maaan.
don’t think that everything is gonna stay the same, that’s impossible. before i let you go let me look at you. don’t you worry you will help me.
there's a lot of things going on in my head right now, a lot of thinking. i don't know. it's in a good way, i'm figuring out a lot and realizing a lot and i think in a way, bettering a lot. but i'm not sure. things fuck with me sometimes... but things like... how does the world work and function and exist haha. sometimes i think i am crazy. we're all crazy though?

the longest of blog entries...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

being in a different city with a different social circle has made me realize how chill and undramatic my friends are in calgary, and how refreshing and better they are from a lot of people... basically, haha. it doesn't bother me thaaaat much if there's drama going on around me, because it doesn't really ever effect me, but being in an almost completley drama free enviornment is so much more positive. my life is full of fun all the time.
today i bought a surprise for kim for her and i haha.
i spent toooo much money on clothes yesterday but that's okay, i'm okay with it. last night kelly and i went to sneaky dee's for cheep beer and nachos and then lurked around in the alleys off queen and smoked a joint with two random boys that were riding bikes. then andy came and got us and we went back to their place and stayed up for a while. good night. i love andy and kelly.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

riiiight now i'm sitting in kelly and andy's apartment and i just woke up... so good. yesterday i arrived here early afternoon, andy's car broke down on the way to the airport, i took a cab to their house, had a conversation with a craaazy crack head woman from edmonton, then kelly and i randomly and really really casually decided to do mushrooms and were gunna go downtown but ended up sitting in her apartment for a while watching wheel of fortune then went and sat by the lake in the sun. so unreal, haha. sooo unreal. after that we went downtown and met up with geoff and bowie and a bunch of their friends and sat and chilled and smoked weed in their weird loft/studio apartment for a while, then decided to go walk to java... from st lawrence and king to java which is on queen and... really far. we ate java, went home and did bucket hits till sleep. the funniest first day, but sooooo unreal good. i already miss the northwest/bridgeland and in particular, all my friends, but at the same time i'm so content with being far far away from calgary and not having to have any of anything that comes along with being there for a bit. fuck so gooooooood.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

dirrrty fuckin scavengers

last night the scavenger hunt turned out to be epic and hilarious and kim, adam and i came in second and won a bottle of whisky. dreamteaaaam. maaan. i'm glad we took the initiative to plan something like that, and i'm glad it turned out so well. i feel good. later this month i'm thinking a late late night, more epic hunt with more fucked up stuff in it or a giant game of capture the flag? block wide hide and go seek in the dark. water fights. sprinkler parties. bike rides. picnics. so doooown for everything!
i threw a bunch of stuff into a suitcase and i'm getting picked up in a couple hours. i'm going to probably chill hard at my parents and shiiiiiit then maybe drop by rock the bells... depending. don't know what time my flight is? it's either late tonight or early tomorrow morning. i'm so glad i'm leaving calgary, i can't even comprehend it yet. i love everyone and most things about here but i stilll get reaaalllly annoyed and angry and frustrated and just so sick of this city and i need a break so bad and i'm so stoked to go to the east and just fuck around as much as i can, ahah.
i spent WAAAAY too much money this weekend. so not okay with that. fuuuck man.
blake's asleep in my bed... still. commmmmooon.
were heeere

Saturday, August 1, 2009

lost in translation

i am so excited to leave calgary ahhhhhhhhhhhhh couldn't come at a better time. it blows my mind i'll see kelly in a matter of... easily countable hours. all of my blogs are about kelly. haha. half of what i talk about is... kelly. probably lke 90 percent of what i think about is.... toronto and kelly. hahahahaha. and liam! oh helllllll yeah.
adam is babysitting the cuuuuutest little puppy. yesterday for so long i sat in the embassy's back yard and played with it. fetch with apples? hahahaha. fuuuuuck man. cutest dog. makes me miss my dog so so so so sooo much.
last night mike abel and i came to an agreement that if we're both not married or in a seriously long term relationship by the time i am 28 or 29 or so we're just going to go head and tie the knot. i'm fairly content with the possibility of spending my life with mike, hhahahahaha we'd have a funny time. i yelled at a lot of people last night... and i'm pretty sure that i creeped out a loooot of people. regular friday night i guess? harassing people and having fun. i don't know how we managed to get around without our bikes? i have no idea why we didn't just bring them.
i want some sort of real food, i want a shower, maybe a lil nap, cleaner hair annnnnnnnd for as many people as possible to show up at the scavenger hunt tonight because COME ON. it's a SCAVENGER HUNT.