i fall in love with people and places and sometimes but not really that often, things. nouns. i love nouns. people amaze me, meeting different people amazes me, getting in people's heads amazes me, everything about human interaction and behavior is what i think about in day to day life. everyone is so god damn interesting even when they seem boring. i don't trust people, i don't let people get inside my head easy, i don't let people get to me... affect me... i love people, i hate people, i have individual distinct relationships with countless people from a lot of different places... and all of it blows my mind and makes me love life and freaks me out and everything all at once. i just love observing and knowing and just being aware of the strength, complicity and infiniteness of both human relationships and interactions as well as each individual as... an individual.
places. i've been far away from calgary a lot of times, and i've seen a lot of different cultures and cities and norms and feelings and vibes of those places. i love calgary, i really do, i always will in a way, it's my home... but just getting out and getting into different cities is so fucked and so interesting and so infatuating and so new and great. this past week in toronto i've reaaaaalllly realized how much of a perfect, almost untouchable alcoholic bubble calgary really is, and it's fucked. everyone here knows everyone somehow, you can't meet anyone and have them no nobody you know. i want to go somewhere that's more unknown to me, i want to move to a giant city with a lot of people and a lot of people i can like and live and have fun with and a lot of things to do and places to be and everything. that means i'm moving to toronto next september, i think. i think i have to, i have to leave calgary... this place makes me the happiest human and i love all my friends with all my heart but it's time for me to go and do other shit... and just... get outta here. toronto or wherever i feel as though i should go to in about 8 months time.
i just ate the biggest bowl of raspberries. auuuuuuuugh.
today i felt like shittt when i woke up and it sucked. went to work, still felt sick, almost cut my finger off? cut it like half way through the tip of my thumb. so fucked up. went to the drum on my break, sat and had a drink, went back to work, then left early. hahaha. went to the drum again and got salad and water. went home. i don't know why i feel this sickly, it suuucks. like... the flu? go away. sometimes i think i am falling apart, my immune system never works like it should hahah.
toronto was unreal. i actually had one of the best weeks i've had in a very, very, very, veryyyy long time and being there just made me so happy. seeing kelly was actually the best things that has happened since... last time i saw kelly. i love her so much and i'm so excited that she's going to be here on friday and will live in me and kim's house for ten days. maybe longer. who knowss. so stoked. we did so much random shit in toronto together. On the first day we were zoomin within an hour of me getting to her apartment, like fuckeeeed up, and then we chilled around her apartment and neighbourhood for a while, then headed downtown and met up with geoff and the guys he was staying at at a loft apartment on king and st lawrence. we ended up spending a bunch of time there and seeing those guys a bunch while i was there. so funny all the time. good people. another night we went to vap lounge on bloor, and smoked volcanos. there was some weeeeird comedy show happening that night and it was so fucked up and random and awkward and funny hahaha. on my last night me kelly michelle and kira went to 751 and got wasted to the point that nobody really remembers anything from that night except that it was really fun hahahaha. so fucked. blackouttt
i need to leave calgary more often, i had almost forgotten how good it is to get out of this city and go lurk in other cities. west coast next aka vancouver and victoria then probably montreal and toronto. i want to go to pei a lot lately... the whole eastern coast. maaan.
don’t think that everything is gonna stay the same, that’s impossible. before i let you go let me look at you. don’t you worry you will help me.
there's a lot of things going on in my head right now, a lot of thinking. i don't know. it's in a good way, i'm figuring out a lot and realizing a lot and i think in a way, bettering a lot. but i'm not sure. things fuck with me sometimes... but things like... how does the world work and function and exist haha. sometimes i think i am crazy. we're all crazy though?
the longest of blog entries...
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