so which one is it? am i sweetness am i sickness?

i just had the weirdest afternoon. i got straight up locked out of my house for like three and a half hours. three and a half hours. sitting on my front stop in the cold. with the tiiiniest nug of weed. until i realized i had a half decent book with me i spent my time just sitting and looking. i've sat on that stoop for hours and hours and hours but i noticed and then thought of so many things i haven't really thought about like that before. the entire outline of society is so fucked. not talking about the human, social aspect, but more of how our environment is. we, humans, are organisms... animals, if you will, that somehow have the right combination of matter and chemical and everything that we can process information we are presented with to the extent of completely populating and establishing ourselves, our habitats, our everything on this earth. think about what houses actually are and how they actually look. and little paths leading from the door to the street. and then the street where the cars are, and how the streets can lead you anywhere you want to go. and you can find places and people and things via streets. and sidewalks. and malls. and downtown. and stores. and everything. fuck. and then think back to how we're just animals existing and that everything we see that is a building or street or car or couch or anything is what evolution has lead to. we are that advanced. and then to think that in physical terms, we are the highest being. we appear to be. humans = dominance. and such extreme dominance at that. this is a rant. a weird one. i don't know what i'm saying anymore. haha.
most of the time on here i want to just talk and have whatever i say magically put onto the screen. typing doesn't always allow me to get my point/whole thoughts across.
cause and effect. everything that happens effects everything else and down the road it'll happen again. and something will touch something which will do something to something and then again and again and everything is always connected no matter what.
randomly enough, i wish that right now i was sitting in the san diego sun with illy smoking a joint and talking to a girl that i know has her head on straight. she rules. san diego rules. california. one day i'll be there, i hope soon. people i need to see. places i need to see. things i gotta do.
tonight. i need to stop by the hop n brew to say bye to misha. that is what i actually need to do. i don't feel like leaving my house after sitting outside all afternoon... i need to also go to beano and sit and work and people watch. beano is one of my favourite places to just sit alone and exist with but completely separately from everyone else around. i like looking at people, i like observing them. there are weird people at beano a lot of the time. it's interesting.