"i just hope i wake up feeling like this."

i cling to things that inspire me purely because it's a rarity if something.. or someone.. or someplace affects me at all nowadays. like really affects me - like gets under my skin and makes my mind race sort of thing. lately i've been thinking a lot of all of the things... the music.. the films.. and the people, the places and the activities that have all crumbled together into this past of everything i know - and how specifically all of it has somehow found ways to fit together and sway me and made me the way i am today. environmental factors versus what you're born with. i think we're all a little terrified of the future but equally as eager to see how everything turns out. and i think we're all a little fond of exaggeration - of things being brighter, bigger, more fascinating then they really might be. people appear as they want to appear - to an extent - their methods of adding and subtracting STUFF from their life is really just a way of showing the world around them what they want to be looked at as. then there's the things they can't control - an almost subconscious set of clues of what they're really like - subtle body language, pronunciation of words, vocabulary! reactions. actions. eye contact. body contact. it seems like modesty - real, true, genuine modesty is such a hard commodity to come across. i hate the fact that humans are just so seemingly naturally in tune with what people think about them - what they want to be looked at as. it's not all bad, but it's just fucked. i'm guilty of many things, i'm not saying i'm not. people just tend to bother me i guess... and i don't know if it's me or them.
money, stability, sociability, approachability, jobs, education, politics, health - it's all important, i agree. it's all necessary. but how did it come this far. society is unreal, to put it simply. the values that this world places on entertainment and media and consumerism and self image are so unreasonably high compared to what it places on truth and morals and VALUE of the human mind and body as an instrument to create something lasting - something meaningful - as compared to something that can be marketed and profitable. ughhhh i just want some real human contact and some real conversation and some real BEING. sick of so many things around me, yet i still do enjoy day to day life. it is what it is and it's up to the individual to be something else and be something of it's own immeasurable capability.