4th dimensional transition

today was one of those days that should have been amazingly good but was so shitty. man.
i booked flights to vancouver for a grand total of $250. it's going to be my last trip out there for a really long time.
i am going to stop spending stupid amounts of money as of today. i need to stop. i spend too much. all the time. on things i don't really need. that's a first for me to say that and actually want to do it and to commit to it. time for a change.


i hate doing these things but i always do. sometimes i wonder why i still internet blog so much. i'm not a 13 year old girl that needs to constantly whine anymore... at all... but i guess i'm just used to typing out my bored time and typing out anything. everything is so censored though. kind of. i don't really know anymore. sometimes things are.

things i am thinkin/things directed to people that i don't know how to say out loud to them:
1. i'm sick of being second best to things i should be first up for. this isn't as self centred as it sounds, i promise.
2. i think i hate you but i know you are best. i don't know what to do because all i want to do is sit and talk to you and kiss you. wavers all the time because inconsistency always seems to kick my ass.
3. i'm going to miss you every day more than anything in the entire world. i love you more than any other human on the earth. you are the person that has been my only one true constant throughout my entire life and i owe everything to you. i'm sorry i get really mean.
4. i don't know where i want to be or where i should be. i don't know where i should be going. i don't know if i should stay.
5. stop spending money. appreciate what i have and be content with everything that i have. time to fucking check my head.
6. you are everything that is good but i've realized that you have some bad too. some really bad. but never bad enough for me to ever abandon you.
7. being happy with the way you look is all inside your head. as long as i'm as healthy as i can be i can be as beautiful as i choose to be. there is no picture perfect image of attraction. this is something i want every single person on the world to realize, as well as myself in the sense of going forward. being realistic.
8. i never want anything bad to happen to you. i'm so scared this won't turn out to be a phase. it's out of my hands.
9. you confuse me but never stop intriguing me. you are a challenge without the negativity of the fight. i hold you above many, i hold you apart from many.
10. self control is a vital part of success. success comes in many forms.


i'm in a weird mood. this is what happens when i'm alone at night. neversleep.