everything that's been keeping us together has been falling apart. i never really know what i'm supposed to be doing? or saying? or anything? i'm glad you just went home. god damn i could make things so much worse than they already are. but i won't... no... i don't even WANT to... and that's the difference. i spend these stupid nights alone, but for what? i need to know the answer but i don't know how to word the question. and that's my problem. it's just like... i wish i could change things that can't really change right now. and i'm driving myself crazy because it's all that i want. you know? and i end up at the same place at the end of every day. night. i mean. an ounce of change can't come soon enough. i can't separate the excuses from the honesty. i can't even remember what i'm supposed to think those lines mean anymore. sinking feeling. i can't recall my options.
soooo... tonight we got wasted at our house, tried to go to the bar.... turned around and went back to bridgeland. i'm fucked up. in my bed. ah.
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