some things never change. lately i feel as though i'm getting back to remembering/re-realizing things that used to matter a lot to me that somehow in the course of the craziness of the past year/year and a halfish i've entirely forgotten. or set aside. one of the two. it's not that i'm taking step backwards, i'm just seemingly becoming more aware of things i haven't paid much attention to as of late, which, i guess, in it's own sense can be seen as taking steps forward. i feel as though i used to DO a lot more and think a lot more and be more motivated about my roots... but even though, i was never really happy with anything that happened - there was always a sense of discontent. now it's like my life now - lifestyle, i should say, mixed with positive points from the past years, finally gives me some feeling of reassurance - and if not reassurance right now, a definite progression towards it. reaching a point where the person you've become meets the person you're becoming mixed with the inevitable unknown aspects of the future. i've changed completely but i've remained the same person throughout... everything, i suppose. everything is still amazing and bizarre and opportunist. i'm still missing the same people in the same far away places, but i'm also missing new people in new places. i still know best when it comes to myself, and i still want the best for everyone i love. new quadrants, new jobs, new hours, new lifestyle. i still think too much for my own good, but i now know how to keep my unnecessary thoughts to myself, the rambling ones - i guess it's not a matter of thinking too much but a matter of not letting what you think about get to you in bad ways. people come and go, but don't let the ones you have that gut feeling about get that far away from you. i'm still a momma's girl, but i know how to be separate... i'm still bad for time. i've realized that a lot of people, maybe even most people, will turn their backs and assume the worst in the simplest of situations - and that friends that automatically do this without giving any genuine chance of understanding/trying to understand really aren't that good of friends afterall. i miss imagination. i still love the yeah yeah yeahs and jawbreaker. humans still confuse me with everything they do, and i still constantly find myself thinking about the reasons behind actions, and the perspectives that develop and just... everything about human nature. i'm still separate, i'm trustworthy but i can't seem to trust anyone but myself... still. kim is still pretty much the one consistent person in my life - my mom and kim... how it's always been. al adsait is still the one that gets me best. i don't know. this is rambling, and yeah it has a point but probably not a clearly readable one. i like where i'm at... no. i love where i'm at right now. i love it. but still some days i feel like i'm actually losing my mind. but i guess i don't mind. i'm still the same in the sense that i know everything and am sure of everything but am so so so so so soooo uncertain about so much. man!
last night at work was funny. crazy blonde chicks and the door guys being the best humans. tyler ryckman dancing all over me. boys trying to hit on me by comparing how many times i've let them in at door at republik? so bizarre. seeing 5 am 3 nights in a row.
best text from last night - at exactly 4:20 am, completely out of the blue - from james - "i'm sleeping on a boat"
hahahahahahahaha. that boy.
i love beautiful houses... one day i will build the perfect place.
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